What Was I Thinking?

**Notice** this post is about juggling the mommy thing so if you're still on your journey to mommyhood, it might not be the most fun to read.

So this full-time mom and full-time employee thing is soooooooooooooooooper hard.  Wow and we want to add another one to the mix. Good lord, today - I think we could have been absolutely out of our minds for doing an FET so soon. 

The little one is sick - like he vomited all over his car seat on the way into work today at 7:15am this morning. That combined with a low grade fever and a few diarrheas - and I'm home today with the babe.  There's no way he'd get enough rest at day care. He's practically been sleeping all day.

E and I both have demanding jobs. His a bit more so than mine, but yesterday I got a snotty comment from my boss about taking leave so I felt extra bad about teleworking today. Thankfully, the boss seemed OK with it today and I will chock the comment up to being in a bad mood, but it's still difficult.  I know when I'm out, my team has to pick up the slack. And I'm very lucky to be able to telework.  My mom is visiting this week so she can do the baby stuff - I'm here for back up. I didn't want to leave him with Grammy when he wasn't feeling 100%.  Plus, I wanted to squeeze in a quick a quick trip to the doc.   It's just tough to juggle it all. To decide who has to stay home and who goes to work.

In FET news, I've had mild cramping off and on which I'm trying to ignore because I know it doesn't indicate anything exactly.  It's difficult though because for the fresh cycle which worked - I felt absolutely nothing; in fact I felt great so anything different has got me feeling pessimistic for this cycle.  We'll see in about a week.

It Still Hasn't Sunk In Yet

As I sit here, teleworking from my couch, it still has not sunk in yet that I'm PUPO again. It's such a great feeling as I can be nothing but hopeful. I know that the outcome is not in my control, so I'm just going to believe in the positive which is way better than believing in the alternative.

Yesterday's transfer was perfectly uneventful. We arrived early so I could do a pre-transfer acupuncture appointment with the practitioner who is in the same building as my RE.  It's so convenient and relaxing. I actually fell asleep during the appointment and I only woke up because I was snoring a little bit.

Then it was off to the RE's office. Hadn't been there in 18 months and a few things were different, but it felt mostly the same.  I finished drinking my water and we were called back right about on time.

I was so happy to hear that they only had to thaw one embryo and that we still had 3 more frozen.  RE said that the embryo we were about to transfer looked great.  The procedure itself went very smoothly and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I only had to remain on the table for 5 minutes after transfer. I was complemented on my "perfect" bladder - hahah.  I tried really hard to drink enough water ahead of time but not so much that I was super uncomfortable.  I never know what to say when docs complement you on body parts, so I just said thanks! I swear the last few times we transferred, I had to wait about 10 minutes before I could get up to use the restroom.  That was a welcomed change.

E and I both took a few seconds to reflect on the amazing fact that we could be welcoming another baby into our family 9 months from now.  Most couples just get to have sex and then wait, but we have had to jump through so many hoops to get to this point and to even have a chance at this, is incredible.

Beta day is November 11 and I will try my best not to test until next weekend at least.  Hoping the time goes by very quickly and of course, if it's not too much to ask, for another happy ending here.

Lining Check - FET is a go!

Well the title says it all really. I went in for my lining check this morning super nervous that it wouldn't be thick enough, but alas - they measured 3 times just to be sure it was over 8 and the nurse recorded 9.5, 10 and 10.3 for measurements so we're definitely in the clear.  I had been having a lot of CM lately so I knew something was going on down there, but still I was nervous they'd delay me like my last FET.

Tonight, E gets the pleasuring of doing 2 IM injections for me. I'm super nervous about the PIO shots as this will be the first time I'm doing those and I've heard they are a nightmare. Maybe I'm psych-ing myself out - I can do this! Heck, I thought I couldn't even go through with IVF and I've done it twice. Oh and I thought there'd be no way I could get through my C-section and I did that too.

Transfer is set for Monday and they will call Saturday with my time. I'll be able to do a pre-transfer acupuncture appointment right before the transfer like I did for the last transfer which is great. Oh boy, I can't believe this is actually happening!

The plan is to transfer one 5-day blast. I've got 4 frozen which is great news thought it makes me a little nervous thinking maybe they all will work! Now wouldn't that be something.

And We're Off

With two IM injections of Del Estrogen under my belt, we're fully inder way for this FET. Boy, I almost threw up when I saw those needles again. Could they be any bigger!?!?  I have my lining check on the 23rd and will keep you all posted.  I'm nervous my lining will not be ready and they'll have to push me back like they did for my last FET but being pushed back is better than getting cancelled for sure.  I am doing PIO shots this time around and am super nervous because I've heard they are a nightmare.

My parents are visiting in 2 weeks and I think our plan to keep this FET on the DL is going to be foiled. I just wanted to keep things quiet for awhile, but if I'm going to be on bed rest, they'll know something is up. 

On BCPs - that is if I can remember to take them

WOW! I am one week into my FET protocol and I've already forgotten to take my pill twice. The first time, I remembered and was able to take it later on in the day but this morning, I think I've misplaced the pill completely. UGH! I have no idea where I put it after I popped it out of it's little spot. The mornings in our house are a bit hectic now that we're all going into work/day care together. I can barely remember my name it seems these days, let alone where I put down a tiny little pill. I've got to get better. Our days are pretty busy as we arrive home a little before 6, sometime fit in a quick walk, then dinner, then bath, then bed and a bottle. Then it's 7:30pm and E and I get bottles ready for the next day - dated and filled. It's 8:15pm before we even sit down to relax. And I'm exhausted of course. And then I rmember we're on the path for #2 and some days I think we're crazy.

It's Here - FET Protocol Is In!

Wow - I can't believe this is happening. AF arrived a few days early - yesterday - and I go in for blood work and ultrasound tomorrow morning. I'll be on BCPs for about 21 days and then Del Estrogen. Tentative transfer date is Oct 28th. I'm so terrified and excited all at the same time. What if this doesn't work? What if it does? Will I be able to handle 2 kids so close together? What if it works the first time and we have 3 more embryos to use - OMG there's no way we could have 5 kids? These are the crazy thoughts that have been creeping back into my head lately. I need to work on being in the moment and making decisions with the best possible information I have at the time. Will keep you posted on my progress.

"Throw Out The Condoms"

We're still moving forward with an FET planned for next cycle. Our infectious disease blood work is all complete (and normal) as is my mock transfer which went very well. But perhaps the most nerve wracking item on our checklist was my OB appointment. I was so nervous that my doctor would encourage us to wait longer before trying again, but just the opposite occured. When I mentioned that I thought we were ready to start trying again - he was so excited - "throw out the condoms" he said. Haha - I had to laugh as if it would ever be that easy but he reminded me that stranger things have happened. Gosh, I love my OB. He's such a wonderful man. He was very excited for us to start trying again and hoped to see us back pregnant very soon. He delcared me perfectly healed from the C-section and sent me on my way. So there you have it - green lights all around. So now let's hope that my body cooperates with the FET protocol. Nervous but very excited!