Monday, February 6, 2012

The De-brief

On Friday I was finally in the mind-set to talk to the doc about what went wrong.  He shared his disappointment with us and said he was truly sorry - he thought this was it.  He also said that while it's not unheard of - it's certainly unusual for a beta # like I had to go downhill so fast. 

Since my beta on Friday was down to 170, I will go back in this Friday to make sure it's negative. They will need to follow it all the way down.  Since it declined so rapidly, I fully expect to have a negative # on Friday - but we could always be surprised. I stopped my meds on Friday and began spotting Saturday. Now AF is in full force.

The doc is hopeful that all we really need is a new protocol.  Oddly, it's the same protocol RE #2 originally presented to us.  RE #4 also agrees with as referenced in today's appointment, but I'll blog about that tomorrow. It's strange to finally have 3 doctors agree on something fertility related here.  So not my experience thus far. RE #3 (current) suggested long lupron protocol with ICSI because we had such a poor fertilization rate. They should be sending me a new protocol this week so I can review it and think about next steps. 

E and I took Thursday off work to process everything as Wednesday, I was pretty much a zombie.  An appointment with my therapist Thursday afternoon definitely helped me process my grief.  I took Friday off as well and spent it running some errands and chilling out. We had dinner with some fabulous friends from our RESOLVE support group which was just what the doctor ordered. Margaritas and fajitas with some fun people who just "get it."  Our friends gave us an update from group since we missed - 1 of the 3 couples (me and E included) had a sustained BFP.  It was the couple who had been in group the longest, had endured the most and had waited almost 1 year for their donor egg cycle.  I am thrilled for them, but they were the support group veterans.  That means E and I will now be the longest standing members of the group I think.  It's a little daunting to realize.  We started attending group in May right after my lap - a whole 8 months later and nada. A chemical pregnancy is all we have to show for it, but I suppose it's better than nothing. I am so happy for them but so sad for us.  That just seems to be how the infertility game works.

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