Monday, November 19, 2012

And the Showering Continues

Since my last post, I've had 2 more baby showers thrown in my honor.  Yes, you read that right and work is planning one for me next week as well. I am so overwhelmed by the love and generosity from our family and friends.  This little one is so loved already it just makes my heart melt.  I was floored when my hair dresser of 8 years presented me with our Pack N Play.  OMG! Words could not even describe this over-the-top generosity.

The shower thrown by my cousins was so wonderful as my mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law were in attendance as well as my niece on E's side.  My mom was able to come too so having everyone all together made it extremely special.  We got a nice picture of the Grandmas too.  My friend who recently had a miscarriage did not attend and while she was utterly missed, I understood.  Not too long ago, baby showers were not high on my list of fun.  I recall going to hers when I was going through fertility treatments and all I wanted to do was cry.

My neighbors threw a little shower for me over this past weekend as well.  They are all so excited to have a new little baby in the neighborhood and were so incredibly thoughtful with their kind wishes and offers for advice.  The appetizers and desserts served were delicious - and so adorable too.

Tomorrow marks 32 weeks and while I sleeping is very uncomfortable, and don't get but a few good hours of sleep each night, I seem to be able to function OK.  A week or 2 ago, I had another bout of round ligament pain which was so severe.  I was helping E take some bulky items to the trash and definitely over did it. The next night I was in excruciating pain and really thought I could be in labor.  Thankfully, I called the doc and went it. Baby is doing well - cervix closed, no signs of premature labor.  Oh thank goodness.  It was definitely scary but I was happy to get a chance to see baby again as we probably won't get another until he's actually here.

Eight short weeks until due date which is incredible. I can't help but remember what I felt when we were just 8 weeks pregnant. How scared I was, how nervous and how long I had to go.  I just keep praying that things continue on uneventfully as I am getting a bit nervous for delivery.

The other thoughts about cycling again keep creeping in and I'm having a hard time filtering them out unfortunately.   I know I need to concentrate more on the here and now, but when you have 4 frozen embryos waiting for you and your husband says we likely should stop at 2 maybe 3 children due to financial reasons, I can't help but think about all the various possibilities that lie ahead.  Life has certainly taught me that it has its own plans for me and I can only make the best decision I can at any given point in time with the knowledge I have.  Still, it's hard not to wonder...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Baby Shower #1

While I was back home for a friend's wedding, my mom hosted a baby shower for me which was absolutely amazing.  There were many helping hands in the effort which made it so incredibly special.  Since there were so many festivities planned around the wedding, the shower was held on a Wednesday evening and I was touched by how many friends attended.  It was surreal being at my baby shower after having dreamed of this moment for YEARS.

Baby's room is being decorated in a modern safari theme - and let's just say, people LOVE a theme!  We served "jungle juice" - as alcoholic concoction that (I'm told) was delicious created by my sister and my friend's fiance who is a bartender. I got the non-alcoholic version.  My sister made the most gorgeous hanging pennants as decorations. She should really go into business on Etsy with these things. They're so unique.  Then there were mini cannolis and cupcakes. The cupcakes had little toothpicks in them with animals  - zebras, giraffes, hippos OH MY!  Let's not forget the homemade sugar cookies in animal shapes that my mom made as favors - "See ya later alligator  they said.  Soo cute!  And the game - of course there was a game as my family and friends love to compete, but I specifically said no weird baby shower games.  Thankfully, they came up with a very cute, and thematic one - guess the gestational period for about 10 different zoo animals.

Everything was adorable and all these little details, coupled with the delicious Mexican food we had catered and the wonderful company truly made this day one I will never forget.  This weekend, my cousins are throwing me a shower for DC friends and family and I'm so looking forward to it.  30 weeks this week and it's finally sinking in that this little guy is coming!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Other Side

As an infertile, I spent many years with that jealous pain in my heart when I heard of pregnancy announcements, birth announcements etc. I honestly didn't know how I'd make it through another Christmas card season - getting barraged with happy, smiling photos of new families with their perfect little ones in their arms.

And while I'm thankful each and every day for the miracle that has fallen upon us, I still feel that jealousy at times.  I blogged about my close friend who recently announced her pregnancy to me and how it hit me hard.  I was very jealous at how easily they became pregnant the first time - and now the second time.

They struggled through a less than favorable NT scan at 12 weeks and I recently found out some terrible news.  They baby did not make it - and she had to have a D&C at 20 weeks. I don't know all the details because as close as we are, I am sure I am not the person she wants to see right now.  I had a few updates in between that didn't sound good but nothing really concrete until just 2 weeks ago.  I have sent gifts, texts, and emails - all of which have been returned, but I know they need time to heal. I can't imagine what terrible grief they must be feeling.  

It strikes me how envious I was of this couple originally.  How I would have done anything in my power to switch places.  I guess we all have our own paths, filled with ups and downs at different points in our lives no matter how green the grass seems to be on the other side.