Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Back from Vacation and 20 weeks in

I still can't believe that I've made it to this 20 week mark. I wake up sometimes and it feels like I'm dreaming.  After all we've been through over the last 3 years it's sometimes difficult to accept that we're doing really well.

Our trip was wonderful!  We got to surprise my Dad with a birthday card from his grandson.  He was so shocked and immediately jumped up after reading the card and said, "you know already?"  My mom came running over for a hug.  It was an amazing moment especially since we weren't able to tell them about the pregnancy in person.   We spent the rest of the weekend wine tasting, visiting with family and friends and relaxing.  It was so fun to get attention being pregnant. I absolutely loved it, I'm not going to lie.  I had numerous people comment on how happy I looked and how I was definitely "glowing."  The truth is, that's exactly how I feel - glowing.  My smile is bigger, I'm in a good mood almost all of the time and it would take a lot to rain on my parade here. I can only hope that the remainder of this pregnancy goes this well.  I feel that 20 weeks is a huge milestone but that I'm still pining for that 24 week viability mark.  Four more weeks to go and I think I can do it.

I have a dear friend from my support group who is on hospital bed rest due to complications with her twin boys.  I am not sure of all the details yet but please pray for her. She has struggled greatly to get where she is and I am just hoping with all my heart that her new family makes it through this OK.  I plan to visit her in the hospital Friday.  She's about 27 weeks and the doctors have said they'll likely do a c-section by 33 weeks so she has about 6 more weeks to be in the hospital.  She had such a great, positive attitude after all she's been through.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

It's A...

OMG - we're having a son!  I can't even contain my tears as I write this post.  This makes it so much more real to know that I'm growing our son there.

Our appointment this morning was magical. Yeah, I know, one usually doesn't describe doctor's appointments as magical, but I tell you it truly was.  The gal that did our scan was amazing.  The first thing she asked when we walked in was - "Do you want to know the sex?"  E and I immediately told her our plan, that yes we'd like to know but if she could put it in an envelope for us and we'd open it later together.  She was so excited for this plan.

She began by letting  us know she does the gender part last so she'll turn the screen away so we can't see what she's doing.  Then she launched in to some of the best 30 mins of my life. All baby boy's parts were measuring exactly right - heart, kidneys, skull, legs.  I was grinning ear to ear and couldn't even take my eyes off the machine to look at E.  I was hooked.  We even have a few photos of him (so fun to write) trying to suck his thumb.

We took our envelope with us and met with the doc for a few minutes afterward. She said she was pleased with everything.  My placenta is a little low, not previa, but a little low. She was confident that it would resolve later into the pregnancy so I'm not worrying for now. If it doesn't resolve by the time I go into labor, we'll have to go for a C-section.  Honestly, I'm fine however they want to get this boy into my arms.

E and I waited till we got to the car and then he opened the envelope and told me the news.  The two of us were in tears saying over and over, we're having a boy!  After having waited so long, it's amazing to know who is finally joining our family in a few months.  We feel so blessed to have this healthy little boy and are praying that the good news continues until delivery.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow seriously can't come fast enough.  My anatomy scan is scheduled for 9:15 am tomorrow so less than 24 hours we "might" know who will be joining our family in January.  I am really hoping our little sweet potato (this week) cooperates with the procedure, but more hoping for all the organs, limbs and bones to be measuring on schedule and appropriately.  Either gender will be great news for me!

E and I have a boy name and a girl name picked out and I like them equally, just so thrilled to know.  I have no idea how some families can wait until delivery to find out who's coming.  I guess, maybe they haven't waited 3 + years though - 9 months is nothing compared to that.  I will be disappointed if we don't get conclusive results but happier to know if all things are moving along smoothly.

So far, no more round ligament pain - thank goodness!  I am hoping it stays away like it did for our weekend in Maine for my friend's wedding. We had a great time visiting with old college friends and exploring a new town together. Though the weather was bad and the hotel less than stellar, E and I still managed to enjoy ourselves.  Friday is the start of our week-long vacation to visit my family.  I am so excited and really hoping to be able to tell my parents if they're getting a grandson or a granddaughter.  

Monday, August 13, 2012

Infertility and the Olympics

I absolutely love watching the Olympics.  I can get hooked on almost any sport - except maybe handball because I just don't get it.  But I've been glued to the TV for the past 2 weeks watching everything from cycling road races and gymnastics to football :) and volleyball. It's simply amazing to me to watch people who've sacrificed everything for 4 years just to have a shot at their ultimate dream.  Some achieving the impossible, some falling short only to have to wait another 4 to try again.

In many ways, infertility is much the same, but in many ways it isn't.  Something struck me so poignantly the other day while watching an interview with one of the Olympic organizers.  The gentleman commented that he thought the Olympics were, in part, so amazing because they were a metaphor for real life -- touching on the sheer will power, perseverance, strength and fortitude that these athletes possess to achieve incredible results.

Real life is a lot messier and we can't will ourselves through some things we face - a failed IVF attempt, a failed adoption, blocked tubes, cysts, etc.  While it is incredibly inspiring to see these athletes achieve their dreams after such hard work, I always feel bad for the 4th place finisher.  The one who doesn't get a medal, or the advertising deal or world fame even though they've sacrificed just as much, maybe even more, than the gold medal winner.  Fourth place finishers are OK in my book because I think it takes much more strength, fortitude and perseverance to recover from loss than it does to actually win.    

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

17 weeks

Still can't believe I'm at 17 weeks, this is crazy.

Yesterday we had our "16 week" check up which went fine.  Weight looked good - I'm up 8 pounds since the 2WW. My blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat were good as well. We met with the newest doc in the practice and she was really nice.  Now instead of 2 docs, there are 3 which is fine by me. I want to make sure I get a well rested doctor when I go into labor.

This weekend was a little rough because of my severe round ligament pain.  Now, I'm so thankful that I am where I am of course - but holy moly. When you hear ligament pain, you really don't think stabbing, doubled over, can't breath type of pain.  It was terrible and it lasted for about 4 days on and off. It was exacerbated by eating a big meal too so the pizza I had Friday night really did me in.  I was up most of the night and spent most of the weekend on the couch.  I am really hoping it stays away this coming weekend as we're flying to Maine for a friend's wedding.  I would really like to be able to partake in some dancing and wedding cake since alcohol is off limits.

We go in for our gender scan a week from tomorrow - I am so excited they're going to let us do this early.  We'll be able to surprise my parents with the news on vacation next week.  I can't wait!

Friday, August 3, 2012


So I'm pretty sure I'm experience what is referred to as round ligament pain.  This pain is caused by the stretching and growing of the uterus and OUCH it really hurts.  I freaked out yesterday because this pain was really quite bad.  I took 2 extra strength Tylenol and was still in pain.  The only thing that seemed to offer relief was sitting or lying down or being completely still. 

It started yesterday at the end of the work day. I had gone to the gym during lunch and done my 40 mins on the elliptical machine. Nothing crazy, just enough to get my blood pumping.  Well then later that night, I decided E and I needed to get this mirror that was on sale at the outlet mall about an hour away so I spent the evening on my feet and that's when things got even worse. I was freaking out on the way home but we used the Doppler when we got home and the little one was pumping away.  So I took 2 Tylenol and slept all through the night. 

I woke up feeling great this morning and as it was my day off, I took the dog for a walk, showered and took myself to the mall to run some errands.  Within the first 30 mins of being in the stores, I started to feel the mild cramps again. I pushed through though so I could get my errands done and by the hour mark, I had to sit down and rest.  When my mom called, she made me promise to call the doc when I got home.

So the doc wasn't too worried because I had no pain with urination and no bleeding.  This was reassuring. He said it's probably the normal aches and pains of everything stretching out.  I listened to the little one again today, and we're good. Baby was on the left side today - which likely explains all the pain on the left side.  Ouch.  After I parked myself on the couch, I felt so much better.

I am so thankful I have an appointment on Tuesday but the plan for the weekend is to sit on the couch and try to rest.  I am still pretty nervous about this but am reassured that the heartbeat was strong and there's no bleeding.  UGH - going to be a long weekend waiting for that appointment.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Everything's Fine

I always wonder about all the other "normal" pregnant women out there who are silently chugging along - not blogging, not reading or posting on forums.  There are more of them than there are of us - by far - based on the 1/5 statistic regarding infertile individuals.  It always seems to me, we have more to say when things are not going our way.  I mean, who wants to read an infertility blog post titled "I am having a fantastic day because I overcame infertility and I feel absolutely amazing"?  Certainly not me - well at least when I was still trying any way.  Now those posts are reassuring and I wish there were more of them.

I think sometimes the negativity on the Internet outweighs the wonderful - which can lead us to think we're destined to fail ALWAYS, because so many people we've read about or have seen posts about are not quite there yet.  I am/was one of you/them.  

Life's not all that interesting when everything's fine, is it?  The drama and fear that propelled me for so long is slowly weaning away and while I'm thrilled - has the blog suffered in content?  I'm not sure.  I know many a blogger have written about how to transition their space from infertility to pregnancy after infertility.  This is just a blog about me and where I am at any given moment so I won't be transitioning anything.  I feel my journey is a badge of honor.  "Look what I made it through - you can do it too" type of thing.   

My journey is far from over though and the worry that this will all be ripped from my arms at any given moment is still lingering somewhere.  But, day by day I hope to overcome that and grow from this situation I have been handed.  So, for now - everything's fine.  I feel great, I love being pregnant.  I will cherish this time.