Friday, July 27, 2012

The Work Conversation

So I finally told my boss today - it wasn't as big a deal as I thought. He was very excited and I was way more nervous that I really needed to be. Half my team is out today so I'll tell the remainder of everyone on Monday but what a huge relief to get that off my chest.

I was feeling strange about the reveal so to boost my confidence, we listened to our little orange on the Doppler last night.  So incredible each and every time.

As more people from work find out, we'll see how I feel, but for now it's perfect. It was a fairly quiet Friday and now I've just checked off another item on my list.

Oh and did I tell you - my doc said it was OK to come in at 18 1/2 weeks to do our anatomy scan! This means *I hope* that we'll get to see the baby's gender in just about 3 weeks - and be able to tell my parents if we're expecting a boy or a girl when we see them in person next month.

Monday, July 23, 2012

My Birthday Weekend

I turned 31 on Saturday and it was the first birthday in a long time where I have felt I finally got exactly what I wanted!  In fact, I don't really need much more than for this pregnancy to continue on uneventfully and to have a healthy baby in January.

I did receive some wonderful gifts - mainly some gift cards to Pea in the Pod - but none of it compares to the happiness that being pregnant brings me. I had a strange thought the other day:  I am both so anxious for this pregnancy to be over and to have a baby in my arms AND so content with being pregnant.  I really love being pregnant - more so than I ever thought.

It was wonderful to celebrate with my mom, dad and E this weekend. We really have so much to be thankful for.  I also got some other wonderful news from my mom - 2 couples who I grew up with since childhood and who have both been struggling with infertility for over 10 years - are each pregnant too!  This news gave me the chills as I know how long and hard they have struggled.

Doing fine health-wise though I need to make sure I keep my weight in check. I've already gained 6 lbs and need to end up at only 25 and I've got a long way to go.

Our next appointment isn't for another 2 weeks, but we've checked in on the Doppler a few times too. Mom and dad thought this was the coolest thing.  It was great to make them a part of this process because I know how long and hard they've prayed for E and I and how much they wanted this for us as well.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I May Never Go Back

To regular clothes again!  Maternity clothes are just so gosh darn comfortable.  I feel like I'm wearing pajamas today and I'm sitting at work.

I purchased a few items back around week 10 mainly because my chest was popping out of my current bra size - so that was the first to go.  Then I got a few sun dresses which didn't look like maternity wear so I could hide my bump at work.  My cousin gave me about 3 large bins of her old maternity clothes which I went through the other day - so much fun. About 1 our of every 3 items fit - but still, I ended up with over 20 pieces of clothing from her. And my sis said she'll send a box as well.

None of my work pants really fit because I seemed to have gained weight directly in my belly and a little in my thighs already - ick. So pants are out.  I have a few sundresses that still work thankfully, but my latest purchase involved a maternity jean skirt. It's so cute and so comfortable.  I joked with E that I might just continue to wear it even when I'm not pregnant because it's so comfy.

I said good bye to some clothes that I know definitely don't fit to make room for the maternity wear.  I packed a pretty good size bin full of things - making sure to make a pile for goodwill of the items I know I won't wear anymore, period.

Mom and dad are in town this weekend and I'm so excited to see them both. Mom has already put in a request for some shopping too it should be a good weekend all around. Now if it will just get here already.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Updates and Other Randomness

Things seem to be moving right along here at the 14 week point.  Yay second trimester!  We've checked in with our little one a few times recently with the Doppler which has been amazing. I'm so glad I purchased one because it just makes me feel so much better hearing that fast little thud.

I have gained 5 pounds thus far and am trying to keep it strictly the 25 mark my doctor gave me.  I had a fight with Excel this morning while trying to track my weight goal.

My parents will be visiting this weekend and I'm so excited to celebrate with them in person.  I also can't wait to surprise them with the Doppler too.  Since they won't be able to attend any appointments, I feel like it's the next best thing.

The cat is almost all the way out of the bag - we have a few more friends to tell and a few neighbors as well. We have a very close neighborhood. Two families on our street have gone through IVF years ago and have let E and I know they are rooting for us the whole way.  I can't wait to tell them the news.  Except for my one colleague, I haven't told work yet.  I'm just not ready yet for this to be known here in the workplace. I don't really want to have to answer questions about the pregnancy with them, or really talk about being pregnant all the time.  I'm still very nervous something could go wrong and sometimes thinking about the pregnancy too much brings all these worries up.  Work is a little place where I can come in, do my job, and leave at the end of the day.  My mind gets a break from worrying too much about our little lemon.

Also - I will not admit to "pregnancy brain" but I left the grill on for about 20 mins while we went to a neighbor's house to visit on Friday.  I'm just an idiot - plain and simple.  I seriously always hated that phrase /excuse so I will not use it myself.  

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I've Been Outed

So here I am thinking I'm being pretty discreet with wearing loose fitting dresses and skirts to work these days, and one of my closest colleagues outs me yesterday!  Now, she did know that we were going through fertility treatments and exploring the adoption path as well but she said she could really tell by the way my mood really changed 2 weeks ago.  Boy, is it that obvious!?!?  She said even my new boss, who's male and I've only known for about 3 months asked her if I might be pregnant. OMG!  I feel like some people have a secret sense about these things.  Also, I think I've been a little wacky these past few weeks because work has been pretty stressful and I've just decided not to take it anymore.  But, I need to walk a fine line and reign myself in.  Boy some of the things that came out of my mouth this last week - not so professional.

Anyway, my plan was to wait until 20 weeks, but that was shot down because I'm already partly in maternity clothes at work. So then I moved things up to 15 weeks, but now I think even that's a stretch.  My friend who outed me is on vacation the next few days so at least I won't have to worry about her inadvertently spilling the beans, but I think I need to tell my boss next week and the rest of the team.  I am not sure why I'm so nervous about telling work, but I'm slightly terrified.  E told his work on Monday - so now that's out in the open too.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

NT Scan

Friday was our NT Scan and little peach looked great!  We got to see the baby moving all around which was incredible.  The nasal bone could be detected and the neck measurement was well within the normal limits so everything checked out well. We'll get the blood work results back by Friday but our doc said she wouldn't call unless there was bad news. She said she puts more faith into the physical features than the blood work anyway.

She reassured us that she didn't think this baby was going any where and that we're right on track where we need to be.  We'll go back in 3 more weeks for a quick check-in - hear the heartbeat, weigh-in, ask questions that type of thing but we won't get to see the baby until the 20 week scan which seems so far away.  I'm just thankful things are progressing uneventfully - which is a novel idea for us.

We have made most of the family and friends announcements by now which have all been tons of fun. It's still a little odd not to have to hide the fact that I'm pregnant.  Like it's just a known thing and everyone can go about their business.  Very strange in fact.

I've been in pretty good spirits the last 2 weeks or so and just hoping this keeps up.  Today marks week 13 - which is the last week of the first trimester.  Totally surreal indeed!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

We Came Out of the Closet

E and I had big plans for our reveal to our families. Our parents live out of town and we wouldn't be seeing them for at least another few weeks, so we decided Skype was the best alternative.  Sunday was my mom's birthday so we decided that would be the day!

And of course, the Derecho of 2012 struck and we were powerless - literally - for 3 days straight.  That meant, no Internet and no Skype.  We tried using "face time" on E's iPhone at a nearby Panera who had power but it wasn't working so we gave up and decided the old fashion way would have to do.  I was definitely upset.  We had planned to have my cousins and aunt and uncle who live nearby over for dinner to break the news to them too later that evening.  When my one cousin called to say they were going to have to cancel, I did everything I could to tell them we wanted them there for at least a little while if they could. I am sure she suspected something but I didn't know what else to say.  I hung up the phone and started to cry.  Our announcement to our parents was ruined, my cousin who I'm very close with wasn't going to be there, it was 100+ degrees out, I hadn't slept well and we had no power.  Not the best moment.

But I got it together and called my mom first who was visiting my sister and the baby.  She was in tears on the phone - doing that silent cry type of thing.  I was in tears, E was in tears. It was such a happy moment.  My sis was napping so my mom went to wake her up - more laughing, more tears ensued.  Then we called my dad who had a similar reaction - "the most wonderful news" he said. He mentioned that he'd been praying for us each and every day consistently since Lent. Not that he doesn't pray for us in general, but he said he specifically made sure there was a prayer said for E and I.  Well, I think between my parents and E's mom - we had some pretty heavy hitters nagging the Big Guy upstairs.  I had decided to leave the prayers up to others awhile ago.

It was such a nice birthday gift for my mom- E's family was ecstatic too!  That evening, we revealed a cake we were able to buy at the one bakery in town with power to the remainder of the family - "Sunday Dinners + 1" it said.  It's a tradition with my cousins and aunt and uncle to all have dinner on Sunday together.  I think my cousins suspected something, but the look on my aunt's face was priceless.  She was so surprised and kept saying, "oh my goodness, oh my goodness" over and over.

All of these people have stood by E and I for so long throughout this journey, it felt amazing to let them share in our joy. Everyone revealed the small hints they thought they could see over the last few weeks, but of course didn't say anything.  My 2 cousins were already fighting over who could host the shower - I'm almost in tears thinking about all of this.

Yesterday, we received our first gifts too.  WOW! This is really real. I don't have to hide the pregnancy anymore, people are giving us baby gifts...this is really happening. I am starting to feel more and more confident that things can work out.  

We caved and bought a Doppler which arrived on Monday.  After about 10 mins E was able to find the HB at about 150-160.  It was difficult  to use at first but I think E has the magic touch.  I am glad we got the Doppler, and I've resolved to use it only 1 x per week if I really need it.  I  would like to use it when my parents are in town so they can share in this excitement as they don't live close enough to attend any appointments. 

Of course, my ability to relax then will stress me out sometimes too because I feel like the minute I'm totally happy and content is when I'll get hit by an ocean liner. Ick, infertility is still there and I think always will be.

Tomorrow is our NT scan which I'm a little nervous for but I'm hoping with all my might things look OK.  Of course, we won't get the blood tests back for about another week but at least we'll be able to get part of the scan done.  Fingers cross our little plum does well tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I Feel Like A Million Bucks

I have so many things I need to post about - we made the announcement to family and close friends over the weekend and we bought a Doppler and heard the heartbeat at home yesterday BUT what I'm most happy about is that WE HAVE POWER!

After 3 full days in the dark and heat - power was finally restored to our house early this morning. E and I feel like we've won the lottery.  This weekend was filled with chopping up downed trees, making ice runs, all-meat BBQs and sweltering temps.  I'll post more on the baby-making side later, but for now - we're over the moon in love with our AC.

12 weeks today!