Thursday, October 30, 2014

Your A$$ Looks Like a Thousand Bucks

Well, thank you. It should because I just shot about $1K's worth of medication into it first thing this morning. Boy there's nothing so refreshing than an intramuscular injection at 6:15 a.m.! To be fair, we lucked out and insurance was able to cover the Lupron Depot because of my endometriosis so that was cause for celebration.

Nothing makes me feel like we're progressing like self-injections, right? 

So we're off on FET #6. I go in next Friday for a baseline check and then if all looks good I'll start my del estrogen.  Transfer is still planned for the day before Thanksgiving.

I have to say that I'm a little nervous about the side-effects of the Lupron Depot as it seems headaches, hot flashes and mood swings are very common. I already warned E about the hot flashes and mood swings. If I need the window open at night for the next few days, he'd better just bundle up. I HATE waking up drenched in sweat. I am hoping acupuncture will help with some of these issues but I'll keep you all updated in case you ever need to start this medication.

I'm very excited we're doing something slightly different with this FET and even more nervous knowing that there's no known medical reason standing in our way to having another baby. That's definitely daunting. Tubes- out, uterus - perfect, embryo - PGS normal and excellent quality!  Now we just have to make sure the lining looks good and this is going to be our recipe for success. It has to be - otherwise I'm some freak of nature or something. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Almost ready

I start my meds in 2 days for FET # something. I'm not sure when to count. This will be my 6th FET including the one we did before C was born. It's my 5th FET if we're just counting since we've been trying for baby #2. I suppose it's really a telltale sign of an infertile if you're unsure of when you're supposed to start counting  your failed cycles from, right? Anyway you count it, it's cycle "I've-done-way-too-many-of-these-and-this-HAS-to-be-it."

I'm ready for this to work, you know why? Because I need to come to an end of cycling soon. I can't take doing many more. It's just exhausting and expensive and I'm tired of banging my head against the wall after failed cycles. According to the RE, I should be pregnant by now. All the medical signs are pointing to a successful cycle now that a big item has been discovered.  I have said it before but I'm not certain - I think I have the energy to do one more fresh cycle just because we have the insurance coverage for one, but who knows. 

Adoption is scary and expensive as well, but I will feel like we gave another biological baby a really really good shot after a few more months of treatment. If all medical signs are pointing to the fact that this should be working for me...and my RE isn't willing to explore any "out-of-the-box" stuff, then I'm out. I sorta feel like if the mainstream stuff isn't working for me, why couldn't he try something different.  But I'm tired of research and second opinions.

Adoption will take awhile as we have to renew our home study and figure out if we'll go with an agency or on our own. We never got that far last time. But I want to start the process soon because I'd like to keep C and a sibling as close in age as possible. A 4 year or less age gap would be ideal - ha but of course, ideal is not a world I live in. 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Meds, meds and more meds

Gosh, it's always something right? I am still working out my meds for this cycle.

The good news is that we got the Lupron depot figured out - my new nurse finally called back and confirmed the timing of the depot. She confirmed what  I wanted to hear - that this timing will help with my endometriosis and the lining. The bad news, if insurance doesn't cover this medication, it will cost me $1k!!!! Good lord. It's one single shot. I am not hopeful that it will actually be covered though.

Meanwhile, the manufacturer is out of del- estrogen which I need. I have called 2 pharmacies already and they're both out and not sure when they're getting it in. I have a little left over from a previous cycle to get started. I reached out to a friend who lives nearby to see if she has any leftover from her successful FET. Every little bit helps especially if we have to fork over another $1K for this new medication.

Please please please let this cycle be the one.

Monday, October 20, 2014


We have full sentences folks! Granted, they're not overly complex and perhaps not the most polite yet but my little one is speaking in full sentences these days.  The first one was "I need water."  We're working on the "please may I have" part of it, but still it was absolutely adorable to hear him put all those words together like that.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Protocol Madness

They switched nurses on me and it's making life incredibly stressful.  I am still on birth control pills heading into an FET I think. But we haven't ironed out the protocol yet because my RE is "at a conference with limited communication." This is incredibly annoying because I have been his patient for almost 3 years. You'd think he would care a little more and call back.

It all started when my nurse sent me the Lupron FET protocol...different from the estrogen/progesterone protocol that I've always done...and different still than what my RE had discussed about doing a Lupron Depot shot in conjunction with birth control pills at the start of a cycle.  HUH? I was super confused but new nurse said "this is the Lupron protocol."  I tried explaining, even sent her emails from my old nurse which explained the Lupron Depot shot, even asked her to get in touch with my old nurse - did she do it - NOPE. Again, super annoyed.

Finally, I emailed my old nurse and like the wonderful angel she is, she got in touch with new nurse. Later that day, I got a note from new nurse saying the 2 nurses talked and this was "completely different" - she needed to talk to the RE. OF COURSE! I had been telling her that all along.

Now, I'm worried we missed our opportunity to do the Lupron Depot shot for this cycle because of my screwy new nurse.  Actually, I'm contemplating switching REs within the practice so I can have my old nurse back. See, they reorganized so now certain doctors work with a group of nurses who manage your cycles. UGH, so my nurse was assigned a different RE. BUT I'm really wondering if I can switch primary REs. I don't see my primary RE almost at all - only for consults. He's only done one of my transfers and that was just by luck - he was on the schedule.

So now I'm in birth control no-mans-land. I guess, worse comes to worse, I can just do the protocol I was sent. At least it's a bit different than the one I had been doing for the last 4 FETs - but my RE was adamant that we didn't need to try the different protocol because my lining was good each time. Who knows - I want to try something different and I'm going to push for that no matter if it's with Lupron Depot or not.  Ha, and the other kicker is that I reviewed the protocol that I was sent and the dates don't match up - FIGURES.

I still don't have high hopes for this transfer. I feel like our luck was all used up on my beautiful baby boy who never ceases to amaze me. I don't think people really get this lucky again. 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I'm Getting Stuffed for Thanksgiving

AF finally came after a 36-day cycle - just late enough to screw up cycle dates but oh well. Our next FET is scheduled the day before Thanksgiving - and this year I'm hosting. Sooooo I'll have to lower the expectations a bit but we're going to make it work. Hoping time just flies by.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

My Days as a Mommy

Thought I'd change things up a bit for a little variety. 

We've hit a new phase. I call it the "I've discovered I don't have to do what you tell me to do" phase. It's really pretty interesting. My sweet little toddler who would follow directions, sit in the shopping cart nicely, enjoy a casual meal out, sleep nicely through the night - nope not any more. AHHHKKK we've seen a preview into the terrible twos!

It's not a communication issue because C is really verbal and I can understand about 90% of what he's saying. I think it's a "exercising my own will" type of thing. It can't get C to come into the house when I ask. I have to pick up his 30lb body all screaming and hot and bring him in. I spend most of my time at restaurants with C under the table picking up cars, books and crayons that get thrown when he's lost interest. Shopping! This one is the worst I think. C used to be such a great little shopper with his mommy but I get about 30 mins in the cart or stroller before we have a freak out and he wants to walk. I get nothing done. I can barely get him buckled into his car seat when he doesn't want to be in it. He is strong and he'll twist, turn and squirm as much as he can so I can't get his buckle on. All of this is physically exhausting because he's in the 95th percentile for weight.

The other day after being home alone with C most of the day, my muscles were aching so badly. He put up a physical struggle in every way possible...coming inside, car seat, going downstairs to get a bath...the works. Bath seemed to calm him down which helped. But after his customary romp around the house naked, I didn't hear any sounds coming from the family room where I knew he had gone. I turned the corner and there was my sweet little naked son peeing in the corner of the room.  He laughed when he knew he was caught. I would have laughed too if I had any energy left. 

I wrestled his pajamas on and then about 7pm in walks the HERO of the day...DADDY! Immediately, mommy is chopped liver and its Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.  I'm somewhat used to this by now because C has been in a "Daddy phase" for at least the past year.  Tonight, Mommy doesn't even get to read any good night stories, one of my favorite times of the day, because C pushed me away when he was reading a book with Daddy.  Instead, I went to clean up the pee.  Cue water works.  It was just a lot for one day and Mommy really needed a snuggle.  I got one in the morning of course.

Some of my mommy days are tough but none can even compare to my tough infertility days.  C is hilarious, strong-willed, sensitive and out-going. He loves to dance, sing, read and play trucks. I am so blessed to be his mommy and my heart melts when he grabs my face with his little hands, pulls me in and kisses me once on either cheek like he's European. No idea where he learned that but its absolutely adorable.