41 weeks

Yes, still pregnant.  Appointment today went well though and if this little guy isn't here by Thursday, we will induce.  I'm still only 2 cm dilated but baby is in exact delivery position and healthy. It's just time for him to come out.  They gave us the option of Wednesday, Thursday or Friday for induction and we decided to give the little bugger 48 more hours to come on his own. I hope he comes on his own, but I'm not holding my breath.  Boy, after the intense cervial exam though I had this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted outta there sooner rather than later.  OUCH!  The doc won't strip my membranes because I tested positive for Group B so that wasn't an option.  The exam left me spotting a bit but that's totally normal. 

I went from being terrified of pitocin to feeling pretty OK about it.  I am scared that my contractions will be so intense that I won't be able to push appropriately or end up in a C-section but I can't think of all the what-ifs.  Even if I went into labor on my own, I might still need the pitocin if labor isn't progressing appropriately.  I have to be flexible and do what I think is best based on the doc and the information at the time. E and I are smart individuals but we can't see the future.

I am going to complain briefly.  I am tired - emotionally and physically.  I feel like a beached whale when I get out of bed 5 times at night.  If I've been sitting for more than 30 mins and try to get up, I again, get the whale-like feeling.  Emotionally, I'm up and down and all over the place.  I had a mental breakdown Sunday morning.  All the checking in from others has completely lost its charm and the suggestions just make me feel like others think I'm not doing all I can to bring this baby into the world.  They are making me feel like going into labor is something that's under my control and that I'm just not working hard enough at it - and worse- it makes me more conscious that my body has failed me yet again and doesn't know what to do.  Its bad enough that I already feel this way without the reminders to go on long walks and eat spicy food every day.  I just end up exhausted and miserable with heartburn! 

Ok enough of that.  Trying to concentrate for 2 more days until this little guy comes. I'm both excited and terrified at the same time.