Monday, June 2, 2014

I'm Weak and a Bit Crazy

I tested yesterday afternoon at 5dp5dt. Yeah, I know it was a bone-head thing to do. I was just desperate for some good news - but found none as the stark white FRER starred back at me like usual.

I guess I was expecting a miracle because testing so early and after having about 10 glasses of water throughout the day and not holing my pee in, I think it would have truly taken an act of God to turn up a positive in that situation. I don't think HCG even starts getting released into your bloodstream until about 6 days past and then it's got to get to your urine too. Plus, I've got a week to go before beta AND have 4 more days of shots on the books till I can feel confident about testing. Taking shots after negative tests sucks.  I literally, lost it in a moment of weekness but I couldn't stop myself. I just want the uncertainty to be over.

Living through this type of stress the second time is torture. It not only hurts this time around, but also brings back all the old emotions too and makes me feel helpless. If this doesn't work, we'll be looking at another fresh which simply makes me cringe.

I'll hold off testing again until Thursday but really, I don't expect any of it to work out. That would simply be too easy and nothing has been easy about this process at all.

1 comment:

  1. *hugs* there isn't anything I can say, but I'm thinking of you.