Here...and hanging on

These days my emotions go from full of hope and knowing that if IVF doesn't pan out for us, we've got excellent back up plans to complete and utter depression as I drown in adoption research and the knowledge that this new path could be just as long and arduous as IVF was. 

We've really started researching embryo adoption as an alternative as well so that's pretty overwhelming to navigate. The thing is, I keep thinking we've got an embryo issue going on which can't be detected via PGS testing. Probably my endo is really f-ing things up for my eggs. BUT, what if it's not my embryos - what if it's implantation issues? Then embryo adoption is really a dead end.

I hate that my doc doesn't know what's wrong with me! With a 30% chance that this FET will work, I'm not hopeful, but it's all I know I can do.  I am fully expecting I'll end up doing another fresh cycle but would I go to SIRM just for peace of mind? I think I've stumped my doctor and he doesn't know what's going on.

I have a consult set up with CCRM when we go to Denver in February but I think it's more just to get an opinion if we need to move clinics. If Dr. G's assessment is the same as my current RE's, there's no reason to move.  But if it's different, then well we have to make a choice. I think it would honestly be too much to travel to CCRM to cycle. They don't accept our insurance and the money, coupled with the travel - I just don't see how we'd make it work. We wouldn't have enough left at the end to adopt that's for sure...or at least for awhile.

Embryo adoption seems like a good choice because I am pretty sure we'd have enough left over to adopt in the traditional sense if the FET with the donor embryo didn't work out.

I have to say, that at this point if I could guess the future, it might be something like this:

Current FET - January 2015
Fresh cycle w/ new clinic or current - March/April 2015
Donor embryo - this is a wild card, but perhaps we'd be able to transfer by November 2015 if we found a match quickly.
Traditional Adoption - sign with an agency maybe by August 2015 depending on how things are going on the donor embryo front.

WOW, C will be 3 in 2016 .... the age gap is getting bigger, but I told myself I wouldn't stress until we're looking at a 4 year + gap.  This looks like a really daunting path, doesn't it?