The wait for for first beta was tough but I knew there would be a number. Second beta is a little worse because you know there's a number but is it really going in the right direction? And after my pee stick freak out...I'm nervous that line really did get lighter. Only time will tell. I HATE TIME! And then, sometimes I love it as well.
I have resisted the urge to POAS again because I know it will only drive me more crazy. It won't change anything. I'll be analyzing the bejeezus out of it, googling stuff, and in the end, I'll still have to take my shots and go in for a beta tomorrow. So I'm trying to be a little happy today because I know it's all I've really got...the here and the now.
I whisper a hail mary while walking to work. I whisper one when I'm alone in the bathroom. I whisper another while I'm driving home. About every hour, I whisper some prayer to someone because it makes me feel like I'm "doing something to help." Yes, I'm hanging on to anything and everything right now.
The other nagging thing that's been on my mind is how eerily similar this cycle is to my cycle with Connor. Because it's been bugging me, I just need to throw it out there.
- C's cycle, we had a chemical the cycle previous to his.
- We have a trip to Denver planned at the end of next week to visit my sister and my new niece #2. I was in the 2ww with C during our last trip to Denver to visit my sister and niece #1.
- This baby and new niece #2 will be 10 months apart. C and niece #1 are 10 months apart.
- January is our lucky month: anniversary and C's birth.
Yeah so maybe I'm thinking a little too much about this but I am trying to find reasons the universe is going to help to make this happen.