16 weeks, can this really be?

I am still in disbelief most days that this last transfer really worked. I am giving meds away, putting IVF far far from my mind and trying all I can do to think of the future with another little one in the house. On the bad days, my mantra becomes, "it could be a bad day with you not pregnant so cheer up" and it works like a charm.

Our last appointment was great, quick and uneventful. I loved hearing the heartbeat on the doctor's doppler just thump away. Their machines are much better than mine. I was a little disappointed in my weight gain, but I've been the one stuffing my face so I've only got myself to blame. I need to be better and slow the gain a bit.

I still haven't felt any movement yet but I'm really hoping in the next week I will. I first started feeling "bubbles" with C around 18 weeks. They say with the second pregnancy, you usually feel things sooner so I'm hoping for a week sooner. Gosh, that will be amazing to feel that again.

I am still in hiding at work...but plan to tell them this week. I've been disguising my belly pretty good I think with loose tops but I know in about 2 weeks that will be impossible. I'm nervous of course to tell my new boss...seeing as I just started 3 weeks ago but what could I do? Maternity leave will be just a small blip on the map compared to my length I plan in staying. I shouldn't be that nervous, but I am.  Perhaps it's because then I'll really have to believe I'm pregnant...knowing how nervous I am that things could go wrong.

I started having crazy c-section dreams already. Freaked me out...I only hope I don't have to endure 5 more months of these and my mind will let me rest. I'm pretty sure we'll go for another c-section unless we have a girl and I go into labor around 37 weeks which will likely mean a smaller kiddo.  I doubt any of that will happen though as we went to 41.5 weeks with C. We've already looked at a calendar and found a good date which is pretty crazy to me. We won't be able to schedule it until 24 weeks though which is fine.

My mind is now focused on the anatomy scan. I am so nervous the baby isn't growing right. I haven't had an US in quite awhile and am soo hoping for a healthy little on in there.  Of course, we're excited to find out if we're having a boy or a girl but hoping to get that info sooner from my RE and the results of the PGS testing. I've requested the information from my clinic but I'm not sure when it will arrive.

Otherwise, life with a toddler is amazing and challenging all at the same time. I think the biggest challenge for me is how physically demanding things can get. C is a solid kid and strong. When he doesn't want to get dressed, get in his car seat, eat dinner...anything for that matter, I can't really physically make him do much. He's strong, I'm stronger but I don't want to risk hurting him, or him accidentally kicking my stomach. Diaper/clothes changes are getting very difficult and I've resolved to allow a small "treat" for staying still. It's the only thing that works and one small marshmallow isn't going to cause too much damage. 

And then of course E had shoulder surgery last week so he's only got the use of his left arm...he's right handed. He'll be in a sling for another 5 weeks. UGH. Thank goodness my mom came to help out because I have no idea what I'd do having to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, diapers, meals, etc. by myself. Single parents are incredible!  Mom will go home in a few days and I'm already nervous.

Sorry for the ramblings. There's just been a lot going on in our household but even on the bad days, life is pretty amazing.