The Other Side

Lately, my mind has been drifting to thoughts of what life will be like on the other side. The other side of trying to conceive that is, because I will always count myself an infertile. When you've struggled to have children like E and I have, I think you earn the right to be a lifetime member of that club.

Many would say I'm already in a club... I'm a mom, but I was also back in the trenches for quite some time so I feel like there's still this other other club that I long to be a member of. The club where you're not constantly planning your life around cycles, shots, other people's baby showers, unexpected weight gain, appointments, hormones, thinking about what to do with frozen embryos, delaying trips, being lapped by fertiles, seeing white on a HPT, protecting your marriage from this evil infertility and planning for an uncertain financial future.

Unless one of us has a major change of heart... this baby is it for us. The thought of trying again makes me want to vomit, and I'm anxious just at the thought of doing another cycle.

I have started this list in my head...and I'm scared to write it down in case this pregnancy takes a nose dive. I'm still worried about that of course but we've been using the doppler about once a week which helps calm my crazies.  Perhaps over the next few weeks, I'll get the courage to share with you. It's not monumental or anything, it's just what I've been putting on mental hold.

Next check up on on the 24th...anxious to get there.