Thursday, January 26, 2012

My Resolve is Weakening

I had promised myself I would wait to test until beta day.  When I found out that beta day was going to be delayed a day because my clinic, the largest in the nation mind you, doesn't do betas on the weekend, I just about flipped. I am going to have to wait ONE MORE DAY!?!?

So I rationalized with myself that I would allow a HPT on Sunday the 30th because that's when my true beta should be done.  There would be a lessened chance of error on that day.  Well I've got essentially 2 more days until Sunday and I'm dying over here...just dying.

I am convinced we're out this cycle and I just need to know so I can move on.  I feel stalled....the uncertainty is killing me when I know in my heart that this didn't work. I need biological confirmation.  I'm starting to feel crampy...the same symptoms I had for a week before my last failed fresh IVF.  The cramps didn't come on at the same time and they're not quite as bad, but cramps all the same.  Absolutely no other symptoms. 

I'm so sure this didn't work that I'm starting to wonder if I should test tomorrow morning. We have plans to babysit my cousin's kids on Saturday night - probably not the best idea but my cousin and her husband are wonderful people and they don't get a date night very often I couldn't turn them down. Plus we love love their kids.

If I test and I know it's negative, it might make babysitting harder. If I test and out of some miracle it's positive, will I be able to trust the results?  I know what I need to do in my head, but my heart wants to test so badly.  Going to ask E what he wants to do...I may have news tomorrow.

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