Thursday, January 5, 2012

Who's Got it Worse?

Last night was support group night which always makes me feel a little better.  My husband and I belong to a support group for infertile couples.  We meet once a month to share about our experiences - with family, doctors, friends, our spouses, etc.  I really like going because it makes me feel normal, like I'm not the only one going through this and the crazy thoughts that are swimming in my head are normal for people going through this traumatic time like we are.  I highly reccommend a support group for all those other infertiles out there. The first meeting can be tough to go to, but you'll be so glad you went.  Sometimes I go alone, sometimes my husband comes along too. It's just nice to be around others who "get it."

The thing is, that there are 3 couples (including me and my husband) who will have found out if our treatment for this cycle has worked before our next meeting. It's not really a rule, but generally discouraged that those who become pregnant should refrain from attending. Frankly, they'd probably want to. We can be a brutal group.  Well when we all left last night - we all said to eachother, "I hope I never have to see you back here again!" 

I meant it so much for myself but also for them as well - I think maybe I might even want success for them a little more than I want it for myself. The thing about suffering like this, is there's always someone who's had it a little worse or a little longer than you.  I know my husband and I can make it through this. Adoption is a very real option that's on the table right now and we're prepared to go full speed ahead if these treatments don't work.  Also, I'm relatively young in the fertility years so I feel I have time on my side to build a family in other ways - though hubby is 11 years older than I so he feels some pressure I know. 

In listening to these 2 particular couples' stories over the past 6-7 months, they've been through more treatment cycles than we have, spent more money and it seems endured more loss.  Not to downplay what I've been through at all because 2.5 years of trying is long enough, but I want them to be happy because they deserve it.  They are all good people who will love a child so much and will become excellent parents. The really crappy thing about all of this is that infertility certainly isn't fair, it touches many of us who don't deserve it...and there's nothing we can do to change that fact.  There's no line that says, "stand here, and when you've reached rock bottom, you'll get your baby."

I am just hoping and praying that February's support group is minus 3 couples.

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