Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Speechless...and not in a good way

I got the message 45 mins ago as I was walking back to work from lunch with a friend.  I saw who had called and my legs went numb.  My heart was beating through my ears.  I had to remind myself to breathe and that no matter what I'd be OK.  As soon as I heard the tone of her voice, I knew.  Beta levels dropped to 400 something.  The doctor will call this afternoon. Come back in on Friday.  Continue your meds. I'm so sorry.

I called E, told him the news. His reaction, "Well that's what we thought" -was not what I wanted to hear and I hung up on him.  I turned my phone on silent.  When E emailed, I told him what the nurse had said and that I couldn't talk to the doc today but if he wanted to, he could. 

I have no idea how I will make it through work today. I wish I could say that I'm numb, but I'm not. I feel each fiber of my head, my heart, my muscles, my joints, my fingers and my toes and they all hurt like hell.  

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