Tuesday, May 22, 2012

6 Weeks and Terrified

Today I'm 6 weeks pregnant - I should be ecstatic, over-the-moon excited. Instead I'm a ball of fear and anxiety.  I seemed to make it through the weekend OK mainly because Friday seemed so far off, but now that it's creeping closer, my anxiety level is creeping up as well. 

I am so glad that Friday morning, as soon as Mr. Wandy goes in - we'll have our answer. No waiting on pins and needles all day for the phone call that will make or break us.  E is still so very optimistic. His outlook really helps me keep grounded, but I just wish I could be as optimistic as he is.  We still don't have a clinically confirmed pregnancy yet. You only get to say that when they've detected a heartbeat I think. 

I still feel pretty much normal except for the slightly sore breasts, insane thirst and major constipation - sorry TMI.  But it's crazy. My GI system was always a little wonky after I went off BCPs but now it's just stopped.  Like mutinied. I've taken to Metamucil once a day and plum juice which seems to help.  Prune juice is just too icky for me and I can't bring myself to drink it.

I have therapy on Thursday afternoon which I'm hoping will help. At the very least it will help make the day go by faster that's for sure. I say a Hail Mary every time I go to the restroom which my LPC said is totally normal. Good - Phew! I really thought I was a lunatic.  I'm so afraid of finding blood that I have to brace myself for every potty break.  One of the best things about therapy is someone else telling me that all these crazy things I think, feel and do on this infertility journey are completely normal. I have no idea of she's just trying to make me feel better or if many others do the same things but at least it feels good knowing she doesn't think I'm a psycho. 

Doing my best to hang on to my sanity and my embryo.    

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