Saturday, May 19, 2012

Still Pregnant, As Far As I Know

That's the outlook I'm taking.  Still pregnant as far as I know or pregnant until proven otherwise - PUPO for short.  Usually us infertile save the PUPO status for that 2 week wait in between transfer and beta because you've got a little embryo inside you no matter what.  Well PUPO is still what I feel like today and it's helping me relax a bit because there's nothing I can do, or not do to help the situation. It is what it is, what will be, will be. 

I have spent most of the last few days working out every last relaxation technique I can think of because Friday is so far away. So much can happen from now until then.  But those are the thoughts I'm trying to avoid and just be in the moment.

Last night E and I had dinner with the only 2 people who know we're pregnant. They are friends of ours from our support group - who are currently pregnant after IVF.  I really only felt I could tell them because they truly understand how scared and happy we are at the same time. It was wonderful to go out to dinner with them last night and just laugh at all this.  Also, it made me feel more hopeful that this could actually work out for us. 

Tonight we have dinner plans with friends of mine from college and their one year old. I am close with my friend but nowhere near ready to spill the beans so early in this process so I'll be making up some story about drinking too many margaritas at dinner last night to throw them off.  We'll see if it works.  I don't think they'd even ask if I was pregnant because they know what we've been through and were one of our references on our adoption home study. 

Still super thirsty, boobs a little full and sore but not much and still have the coming and going cramping, But I swear, that might all be in my head because as today was such a gorgeous day, I've spent most of it outside on a walk and reading on the deck and haven't noticed a single cramp.  Feeling absolutely normal makes me feel better. 

I still hold my breath every time I use the restroom. A ritual that my therapist said was totally normal and many women in my position have also succumbed to.  She said it's OK to be happy, but I'm not naive. Which is true - I guess I just want to be really and truly happy and believe this will end up the way we've dreamed for so long.  Hard to think about that right now but it's in the back of my head.

Six days till US seems like an eternity.  

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