Anxious

Today is Mother's Day. There - I'm just going to say it to get it out of the way.  E and I went to Mass this morning for the first time in a long while.  So many emotions came up during the service.  As far as I know, I'm still pregnant. I just don't know "how" pregnant or if I will end up with my happy ending.  I wanted us to be like all the other families with little ones screaming through the service, climbing on the pews.  Thankfully, the priest did include "mothers to be" in his reference and prayer on Mother's Day. I wish though, that they would include all those who would like to be mothers.  I think we need the most prayers perhaps.

E got me a Mother's Day card from the dog -- and another one from him. I felt a few tears welling up in my eyes but I managed to keep it together.  I am so blessed to have such a sweet and thoughtful husband.

Tomorrow, I go in for beta # 2 and I'm so incredibly scared. I have absolutely no symptoms except for breasts which are a teeny bit sore (no more sore than usual when on progesterone) and TMI - major constipation.  Ever since going off birth control almost 3 years ago, my digestive system had been a little out of whack. These past 2 weeks, it's been really bad though which is not fun.  I am doing my best to use natural remedies by eating lots of fruit, drinking fruit juice, digestive aid teas and Metamucil. I may have to result in something stonger tonight.

I am so scared each time I go to the bathroom that there will be blood. Last time around at 19dpo I started spotting at night ...and then I bled all day on 20dpo.  I am just hoping and praying I make it through tomorrow with no bleeding and a good beta report in the afternoon.