Updates: Today is Beta Day

I can't believe I made it all the way to beta day. I always have this bittersweet feeling about beta day.  On one hand, I'm so eager to find out the results and on the other - not sure I even want to know.

We got back from our trip to see my sister on Tuesday afternoon.  We had a wonderful trip and it was really fun spending time with my new niece. She's absolutely adorable. I think my sister was getting a little jealous because I was holding her so much! It was actually pretty funny.

Well, anyway - onto the good stuff. On Wednesday night (10dp5dt) we broke down and tested with an early result home pregnancy test.  It was positive!  I literally jumped up and down excited and E got nervous.  I guess he was afraid I'd shake the embryo loose or something.  Hahah.

So the wait till today was a bit excruciating but still doable since all my tests leading up to the beta were strong positives.  Today's numbers came in at 315 for 12dp5dt - which the doctor is very pleased with.  I am of course happy, but extremely nervous and I don't think I'll be able to relax until we see a heartbeat.

On our last try, my beta was 760 at 14dp5dt - which was excellent, right on track.  Unfortunately, the fact that this beta is "excellent, right on track" too - doesn't do much to help calm my nerves.  That, and the fact that I have to wait until Monday for my second beta because my clinic doesn't do them on the weekends - is driving me insane. Ordinarily, I'd take a long bath with a giant glass of wine if I was really stressed about something.  Humph, that won't work this time. 

All I can do is hope and pray at this point.  Luckily, I don't have the intermittent cramping that I had with last cycle which is good but I swear every other second I'm concentrating to see if I feel any pains down there.  It's nerve-wracking and terrible that we who go through this awful journey, can't even celebrate fully when we get good news because we know how fleeting such news can be. Of course, I know the alternative, a negative beta, is much much worse, but I seriously really want this to be it.

I will be trying my hardest not to cry like a crazy person on Mother's Day.