Thursday, July 31, 2014

Lucky #7

Just when E and I thought IVF couldn't get even more stressful, we are thrown into the world of PGS testing.

We opted for a fresh 6 day transfer with PGS testing for a few reasons. We liked the idea of not waiting an additional 2 months and fresh worked before.  My RE suspects there could be something we're not getting right during my FET cycles so he was also keen on doing a fresh transfer. With 14 embryos still growing on day 3, E and I were still confident in going forward with PGS.

Then, the afternoon of day 5 came and I got the devastating phone call that only 2 embryos were able to be biopsied at that point.  I was crushed! I thought for sure we'd have at least 3 or maybe 4. In fact, 4 was my mental cut-off. With 4 embryos to be tested, I thought our odds of having at least 1 normal to transfer would be maximized. You see, my RE thinks the reason all my FETs didn't work is because I have great "looking" blasts but I've really got a higher percentage of abnormal ones for a person my age. The average for my age group is 50% normal, but if my chances are necessarily decreased to say 30% normal - then how in the heck would 2 embryos yield me at least one to transfer? It wouldn't, and we were crushed Monday afternoon.  We were told there were others that might be tested the next day, but that meant no fresh transfer.

Tuesday, we were expecting the RE to call between 7am-8:30am with the results - transfer scheduled for 9:45 am with 9:15 am arrival. That's what the nurse explained. We needed to get C into day care, so at 7:30 am and no news, we headed that direction. I hopped out, and dropped C off about 8 am - still no phone call. What gives!?! All morning, our hearts were pounding. I didn't dare leave my phone long enough to use the restroom. 

In order to make it to the clinic on time, we had to depart for the clinic still not knowing our embryos' results. With ever minute that passed on the clock, my pulse seemed to race faster and faster. Neither E nor I said very much to each other until I broke the silence.  The closer we got to the clinic, the more hopeful I was getting that the transfer would happen. E said he felt the same.  8:40 am came and went and still nothing. At that point, I emailed my nurse and received a message back right away. Results are expected momentarily, RE will call soon. CRAP.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the clinic parking lot. We sat, in silence again. I was certain we were going to head home. We just aren't the lucky people in all of this.  I began to drink my water in order to have a full bladder for transfer. I didn't want to start too early because I was certain I'd just be sitting in traffic with a full bladder for no reason.  By 8:50 am and no call, I drank. We sat there looking at the minutes tick by.  How awful would it be to have to sign in, go into the waiting room and then walk right out? Surely there could be nothing worse for us in that moment.

How did we manage to do this to ourselves? Add yet another level of stress to our already heavy hearts. Knowing we had to be in the clinic at 9:15 am, we waited until 9:17 am just to be sure. Still, nothing.  E and I headed in, up the elevator and into the waiting room. My face was so hot and I swear my heart was in my throat.

9:20 am - phone rings! Oh crap - where are we going to take this call in private?  E and I get up from the waiting room and head towards the elevators. Thankfully no one is there. It's the RE, results are in.  We have 1 normal and 1 abnormal (trisomy 18). My body is shaking. I can barely hear anything he says other than "sorry for the drama with these PGS fresh day 6 transfers" and "your embryo is perfect and I'm hopeful."  We hung up the phone and I started to cry.  There was just so much emotion built up that I had to let it out somehow. E tried to calm me down but I needed a few. 

We returned to the waiting room and were called back after about 10 mins. Transfer went as planned and the RE doing the procedure explained more about my embryo - top quality XBAA - lucky embryo #7.  The embryo was already hatched when we transferred. This RE was a little rougher than some of the other REs but I handled it. It was my 8th transfer after all. 

Tuesday was exhausting but we're feeling better now. We found out 2 more embryos were biopsied and we'll get those results back in 7-10 days. No idea why they take longer with those...likely because they can. 

So I'm PUPO and scared to death I'm going to kill this little embryo. He (we don't know the gender because my clinic doesn't allow it, but I'm sure it's a boy) is so loved already.  We are ready for this to be it. We've worked so hard this past year, but I'm simply exhausted. This was our 5th treatment since trying for #2.  We're getting close to our limit for treatments.  Money, time, emotions are all depleted at this point.  

Beta is August 11th and I will try not to test until next Friday if we can. I feel a lot more pressure for this to work knowing that we have a normal embryo.  Taking it one day at a time.  To be exact, we're 2dp6dt :).

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