Thursday, September 4, 2014

Permanently Infertile

They're gone...they took them both on Tuesday. My tubes, that is.  I will never have a miracle pregnancy but I suppose on the bright side, I'll never need birth control again. It's a very strange feeling waking up to having less body parts, especially those which are so important to a woman of reproductive age. I had an appendectomy a few years ago, but no one needs their appendix for anything so that didn't phase me at all.

Surgery went pretty much on schedule. I didn't sign the consent forms until I had spoken directly with my OB because I wanted to be clear about saving the other tube if it looked OK. He of course agreed. I woke up about 2 hours later in the first recovery area.  I vaguely remember being wheeled down the hall by 2 nurses, one discussing her toddler. I think that's what they were talking about or else I was having a dream.  I was really out of it for the first 10 mins but I was anxious to know what had happened in the OR. No one had told me yet!  I recall hearing the time and it didn't make sense - It was much later than what I thought it would be. Surgery was only supposed to go 60-90 mins. It was 2.5 hours later in reality which made me think there was a lot more going on in there than we had originally thought.  I managed to eak out a few words to my nurse to ask if one of both tubes were gone. She said she didn't know the outcome of the surgery unfortunately but she was sure my doc had spoken to my husband who would tell me the results.

I swear the next 30 minutes might as well have been 3 hours. I was so anxious to hear what had happened to me!  All I wanted to do was go back to sleep but I know they wouldn't release me to the other recovery area unless I was more alert. I mustered up all my energy and finally was able to be transferred. E came in a few minutes later and I asked him what happened before he could even sit down.  He was a little shocked too that no one had given me an update at least.

E relayed the news from my OB - both tubes were removed. They were virtually unidentifiable and were totally swollen. There was a little bit of scar tissue that was removed as well. Uterus looked fine though.  So there we go...permanently infertile. I asked then if my OB was going to come back in and talk with me, but he wasn't able to. They called him for me and we chatted very briefly over the phone. There was going to be absolutely 0% of getting pregnant on my own with tubes looking like that. They had to go.  Of course, I spend the next hour feeling a combination of pissed off, sick to my stomach, and sorry for myself.

I was/am angry that I had to be the one to push my RE into looking for more answers.  I am not the one with the medical degree. He should have found this...someone should have found this.  I guess I'm somewhat grateful my RE scheduled the HSG before the hysteroscopy I requested, otherwise I could have been under for the hysteroscopy when the hyrosalpinx was discovered and had to have the lap at a later date. I guess he saved us a small bit of time, pain and suffering but nothing compared to the last year of 5 failed transfers!

So now I'm recovering pretty well. I need to check in with my RE here about what he wants to do for next steps. I'm still not convinced we need to move doctors but we'll see. I am keeping the consult I have for immune related testing just in case. That's next week.


  1. Oh J....I'm so sorry. What a terrible reality to're in my prayers and I really hope the next steps make all of this worthwhile and I know you can overcome this!

  2. I'm speechless. With anger that this was not done first and sadness for you. You sound so strong - I reckon you're going to get that elusive #2 I can feel it xx

  3. Thank you both so much for your kind words. It just seems like a cruel joke to experience a totally seperate infertility issue after finally overcomming the mountain of primary infertility.