Quick Check-In

Just wanted to let you all know that transfer on Wednesday went as planned - one great looking 6 day blast that was PGS normal. I have to say, if this transfer doesn't work now that my tubes are gone, I'm going to be really really worried. 

I tried as much as I could to stick to light activity after transfer and yesterday but with hosting 15 people at my home for Thanksgiving, it was a little difficult. I didn't strain myself but I was just on my feet a lot of the afternoon. By 9pm, I snuck back to my bedroom and crawled in bed without even saying goodbyes. Haha... my guests know they are more than welcome to stay. I was just pooped and really needed to lie down.

The house is quiet now...in fact I'm the only one home for the moment which is nice.

Beta is still a ways off but maybe we'll test next weekend.  If I can get past the 5 day mark without that tell-tale light cramping that I've had for my last 4-5 transfers, I'll be more hopeful. That's been a consistent marker of things turning out badly. Of course if there's no cramping I still won't think it worked either.

The Joy on My Life - follow up

So in case yesterday's post was a little too sappy for you, I just wanted to follow up. That beautiful little joy gave me his stomach bug.  Home resting and hoping it passes quickly.  

The Joy in My Life

For all the difficult days, and trust me I know there are harder ones ahead, my son's smiling face creates this fuzzy outline I can only describe as JOY around those days. They just aren't that bad when I get to see what happens next in my little boy's life.  I knew I'd love being a mother, but I honestly did not expect to feel like this. 

This weekend was a tough one and an amazing one all at the same time.  C was sick - 2 pukes on Saturday meant crying, carpet cleaning, laundry, naps, movies, more carpet cleaning, and more laundry.  The simple words, "Mommy up" made that vomit smell almost melt away from the carpet - almost I said.

I am certain many parents feel this way about their children, but part of the awe and wonder I feel when I am with C is that he is able to tell me almost everything he's thinking. At almost 2, he speaks so well, sentences really.  The observations that come out of his mouth just astound me.  "Big dragon, mommy...like an airplane" he said as we watched a movie and snuggled together on the couch.

Then, there's the dancing of course which instantly invokes a smile on everyone's face. The impromptu dancing...when no music is playing...just the running, wiggling, smiling little toddler having the best time of this life in our humble living room. 

For all the heartache infertility has caused, having a son in our lives now is nothing short of incredible.  These days are dark for us still and infertility weighs on us a lot as we're trying for another baby, but the happy days are so much happier and joyous than they used to be.

I am really not sure how this is all going to play out. I was certain we'd be able to conceive again through IVF but the past year has thrown me back into a place of extreme doubt. Adoption is still something that's on the table and as we get closer to another FET, I keep wondering if perhaps we need to take another path. 

Giving Myself IM Shots!?!?

So while this isn't yet a definite, I think I might have to give myself some IM shots this time around. Yikes, even the thought of it makes me nervous but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do I suppose. 

E's new job requires him to travel a few days per month. So far we've gotten lucky and he hasn't been out of any of the big appointments. But what that likely means is that I'll be needing to figure out how to stick myself with a 3in needle on a regular basis - in the rear mind you. I can do this, I know I can but I'm still terrified.

Anyone have any tips for doing these yourself?

My Body Really Doesn't Want This Lining

I'm really hoping it knows what it's doing but my body has been trying to shed this lining of mine all month. I had about 10 days of spotting while on the pill over the last few weeks which is really unusual for me. I've spotted while on pills only one time before and then it lasted just about 3 days. This time, it's not only been much more frequent but a slightly heavier "spotting" flow too.

I took my last pill on Saturday in accordance with my protocol. I usually get my period about 3 days after stopping the pill, but low and behold AF is here just 2 days after stopping. At least I think it's AF and not just spotting - seems more like a light flow has begun.  Regardless, I go in on Friday for my lining check and to sign the consents AGAIN. I am so annoyed that we keep having to sign these dang forms over and over again.

So here I am sitting in the wrong underwear wearing the wrong pants for an AF day here at work, hoping hoping hoping my body is getting rid of this lining only to make way for the best lining ever to support our next little one.