My head is all over the place these days much like the terrible title of this post.
I owe fellow blogger, Chon from Life Begins (https://lifeafterinfertility.wordpress.com/), a post regarding the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. I think I haven't posted yet because I'm just so freaking pissed about her last cycle. As in last EVER. I had hoped and prayed she'd have success on her last round and it just didn't happen. The lack of fairness in this world in the baby-making department is just cruel sometimes.
I feel lucky. and guilty. and scared. and hopeful. lucky again.
I feel lucky that I had 7 transfers and the 7th one worked. Yeah, that's a little F-ed up luck-wise, but it's true. I feel lucky. And guilty about the others who I wish were making their way along side me as well.
Monday is my next appointment and my confidence has waxed and waned over the last few days. On Sunday, we decided to try the doppler. It took us sometime to remember the distinction between my heartbeat and baby's but we found it eventually. I had another freak out last night...and thankfully the doppler pulled through. I think I'll be able to last until Monday's appointment.
E and I have discussed "the telling" and how we're going to do it. I'm not ready to shout from the rooftops yet. And it's not because I am not hopeful...because I'm starting to get there. It's because I'm not naive. And I'm not ready to be over-the-top-crazy-excited like some people will expect me to be.
I think after Easter I'll be ready.