Water broke!

Sending an update from hospital. My water broke about noon. It's midnight now and I'm still only 3 cm dilated. Baby hasn't descended enough yet so I'm a little nervous but trying to be open minded. I've had 10 hrs of pitocin, no epidural yet but I think it's in my near future.

41 weeks

Yes, still pregnant.  Appointment today went well though and if this little guy isn't here by Thursday, we will induce.  I'm still only 2 cm dilated but baby is in exact delivery position and healthy. It's just time for him to come out.  They gave us the option of Wednesday, Thursday or Friday for induction and we decided to give the little bugger 48 more hours to come on his own. I hope he comes on his own, but I'm not holding my breath.  Boy, after the intense cervial exam though I had this morning, I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted outta there sooner rather than later.  OUCH!  The doc won't strip my membranes because I tested positive for Group B so that wasn't an option.  The exam left me spotting a bit but that's totally normal. 

I went from being terrified of pitocin to feeling pretty OK about it.  I am scared that my contractions will be so intense that I won't be able to push appropriately or end up in a C-section but I can't think of all the what-ifs.  Even if I went into labor on my own, I might still need the pitocin if labor isn't progressing appropriately.  I have to be flexible and do what I think is best based on the doc and the information at the time. E and I are smart individuals but we can't see the future.

I am going to complain briefly.  I am tired - emotionally and physically.  I feel like a beached whale when I get out of bed 5 times at night.  If I've been sitting for more than 30 mins and try to get up, I again, get the whale-like feeling.  Emotionally, I'm up and down and all over the place.  I had a mental breakdown Sunday morning.  All the checking in from others has completely lost its charm and the suggestions just make me feel like others think I'm not doing all I can to bring this baby into the world.  They are making me feel like going into labor is something that's under my control and that I'm just not working hard enough at it - and worse- it makes me more conscious that my body has failed me yet again and doesn't know what to do.  Its bad enough that I already feel this way without the reminders to go on long walks and eat spicy food every day.  I just end up exhausted and miserable with heartburn! 

Ok enough of that.  Trying to concentrate for 2 more days until this little guy comes. I'm both excited and terrified at the same time.

40 + 3

I swore Thursday night I was going into labor...woke up with bad cramps, then had diarrhea (sorry if that's TMI) and this all around feeling of strangeness that I'd never felt before. I am still having lots of Braxton Hicks but this was very different.  But alas, the feelings subsided and I fell back to sleep only to wake up yesterday morning not in labor. 

The "snow" we were supposed to get yesterday was also supposed to help - drop in barometric pressure can set things off if you believe in that sort of stuff.  But, mother nature laughed at me and we didn't even see a flurry yesterday. 

I've resolved to stay off my email for the remainder of the day and to avoid reading all text messages. E knows to call me if he really needs me.  I am just getting more stressed and anxious about the constant barrage of people "checking in."  I'm frustrated and can't do a thing to change the situation. 

Today, mom and I are going to the mall, out to lunch and generally going to not talk about the fact that I'm still pregnant.  I need to chill out.

Baby Watch 2013

Yes, I'm still here. 40 weeks + 1 day pregnant and everyone and their mother is on baby watch 2013.  I must tell at least 15 people per day that this kid has not yet arrived.  I can't leave the house without one of the neighbors popping their heads out to see if we're on our way to the hospital.  Co-workers are offering advice on labor induction I don't want to hear. I'm getting annoyed and I wish I wasn't.  Seriously people, if there was something I could do to bring this baby into the world, I would be doing it, but there's no rushing this little man.

We had a biophysical profile yesterday which is really just an ultra sound to check the baby's heart rate, amniotic fluid level, movement and quality of the placenta.  He's doing great!  He is comfy and healthy in there which was excellent news for us to hear.  Baby measured 8lbs 5 oz - whoa!  The tech said the measurement is usually +/- a pound from reality.  Boy, am I hoping its not plus a pound!!  Movement is still good too.  During my cervical exam, doc told me I'm 2 cm dilated and 50% efaced which is great progress.  She thought it could be any moment now. 

We have another US scheduled for next Tuesday if baby hasn't arrived by then. We'll do another biophysical profile to check to see how he's doing and then schedule an induction at that point.  Doc said since I'm already well on my way, pitocin will do the trick.  I am hoping he comes sooner than next Tuesday though but alas, things are out of my control.

Acupuncture, spicy food, sex etc. - we've tried it all.  Braxton Hicks are still around but not regular and no pain associated with them really. I've had a little minor cramping and a lot of mucus - I mean a lot.  All signs point to "go" but all we can do is wait. 

The Wall

I've officially hit it!  I am so anxious, tired, excited, and bored at the same time.  I can't concentrate on anything.  People keep checking in and it's driving me crazy.  No baby! I'll tell you when he's here, OK?  Then to top it off, I thought I was going to get a check up today but my doc had to reschedule so I have to wait another day to know what's going on in there!

Flashbacks

So much of what I'm experiencing now is similiar to what I've experienced with infertility it's throwing me for a loop.

For one, there's the waiting. Waiting on my body to do something, waiting for appointments, waiting for some change.  Then there's the constant symptom checking.  Three days of dull headaches - what does that mean?  Minor spotting - could that be a sign?  Was that a cramp? Braxton Hicks or more? It's driving me a little nuts as it's impossible to escape my own body for even a minute. I'm focused on every little feeling it reminds me of the craziness felt during the 2WW.  Now, there's really no comparison emotionally to waiting for a pregnancy test vs. waiting to go into labor but the physical consciousness is very, very similar. 

I'm ready, E's ready, grandparents are ready - so are the 5-7 different coworkers/family members/friends who check in with me each day.  Baby, not so ready I guess.  My appointment on Wednesday went well. I'm still a full cm dilated but no more.  I was hoping for 2.  Doc seemed encouraging that this baby would come some time next week.  He said we'd definitely made some progress since last week which I think has to do with thinning of my lining.  I didn't get an exact measure of that though.  I should have. 

During my cervical exam the doc "stirred things up a bit."  His words not mind. Surprisingly with all that jabbing and poking in there, he still managed to be more gentle than one of his female OB counterparts.  Sometimes I think the male doctors are more gentle than the female ones.  Anyway, I've had a teeny bit of brown spotting since the "stirring" which he said I could expect and a little more cramping and Braxton Hicks at night but otherwise, baby is snug as a bug in a rug it seems.

Acupuncture this afternoon - I'm going to tell her to turn up the heat on the treatment.  Now she won't actually be using heat but just stimulating the points more frequently during our session. 

I go back to the OB Monday for an ultrasound if I'm still pregnant.  This weekend will be filled with a few long walks followed by some rest and then birthing ball exercises.  I still feel quite a bit of movement from this little guy - so I'm not sure he's really in position yet, but doc said he's dropping so all we can do is wait and see.  Something I suppose I should be used to by now.

Pre-Labor?

I think I've entered the pre-labor stage of this pregnancy characterized by a change in energy levels and more frequent, stronger Braxton Hicks contractions.  I wake up at least 4 times each night and each time, but stomach is rock hard so I know I'm having a contraction.  They aren't painful really, just a little uncomfortable and enough to wake me up.  It's enough for me to get up, use the restroom and walk back to bed to make me feel a little better. I am not experiencing any back pain associated with these at all yet. 

And my energy level has seriously taken a nose dive. Some women get that sudden, crazy need to clean and nest but others get the utter and complete exhaustion.  Utter and complete exhaustion is what I have.  I literally could not keep my eyes open yesterday.  Thankfully I'm working from home this last week so I can conserve energy but it literally takes all I have to do my work via laptop.  I go to bed about 8:30pm or 9pm at night (after having a 6-7pm nap), but this is a different exhaustion than the first trimester exhaustion.  When E and I were shopping this weekend - only went to one store - I felt as if I might collapse under my own weight and needed to go home immediately to rest. After about 3 hours on the couch, I felt much better. 

There are a few other pre-labor symptoms such as loss of mucus plug and the bloody show that I have not experienced yet but I can't help but think this baby is on his way soon.

1 Down, 9 to go

Centimeters dilated that is.  At last week's appointment I was encouraged to hear that I'm 1 cm dilated. I know it's not much and I could hang out here forever, but at least my body is doing something in preparation.  I had an acupuncture appointment last week to keep the ball rolling.  Acupuncture won't start anything that my body isn't ready to do, but it can help speed the process if my body is ready.  I have 2 more appointments this week.

I still don't think baby in engaged or has "dropped" in my pelvis yet so I'm walking the neighborhood and sitting on my birthing ball as much as I can.  I haven't yet reached that anxious time yet, but I think if this little guy waits much past his due date, I'll be pulling my hair out.  I want him to come when he's ready but I want to avoid an induction if possible. 

39 weeks tomorrow - next check up Wednesday.  This is so exciting.